I am really noticing the effects of what I call “show up love” in my own life lately. I have recently been through a series (eleven to be exact, but who’s counting?) of fairly severe losses in my life, all within an eighteen month period. Now only one of these involved the death of  a loved one (my furry companion of over a decade) but all were, upon reflection, small deaths of hope, future, dreams, and optimism. What I failed to notice was that I had not allowed myself to recognize that and to grieve. Everyone knows to come to a funeral, but what if there is no body, no date, no place to acknowledge the event happened? Does that mean it didn’t happen? There is no Hallmark card for losing your home, your living, your dreams. People just continue with their own lives while you are trying to push your grief as far away as possible. It is still there, and sensitive people see it and hear it when they are with you.

Strangers were also more prone to notice than close family members (sons excluded), as it turned out. The fact that I seemed so isolated and people seemed to run the other way, as they do when you are going through a divorce (as though they might ‘catch it’ if they got too close) brought the pain to a head. Someone who has not lost their home and been thrown into turmoil trying to quickly make sense of another, cannot understand, but perhaps if they thought about it? What would it feel like to experience that situation? Is it not possible for us to truly walk in another man’s shoes for a brief time? Is there no way to step into their situation with them and look for ways to bring comfort?

I have found that it is. That there are good souls all around who can just be willing to re-arrange their priorities and just show up in my life. After hearing some unpleasant news before a recent unexpected surgery, my son was at a loss to cheer me up and get my mind back on the best possible outcome. Just then my cousin walked in the room, bright and cheery and full of tales of the parking garage and my whole countenance changed because hers was so bright and uplifting. I went into surgery full of hope and it went well.

She just showed up. And by doing that she changed everything for me. It often isn’t something major that is required of us. We all bring a new outlook and a new pair of eyes into a situation. When we step into someone else’s space and look at it with them, right where they are, right where they live, when we come to walk with them through it, we open all possibilities to see something they might have missed. The mere holding their hand going through it or letting them know you will be there after, makes all the difference in the world. Maybe especially when they soldier up,”there’s no need, really, I’ll be fine.”