Remember that charismatic church I mentioned in a recent post? Well, in the rear view mirror I can see so many reasons God had me stop there on my journey. One of them was to rescue or at least to provide a huge ray of light to a woman he cared for dearly. She had been a member of that church for many years.
She was one of a small number of single moms who had been drawn there and while she possessed an incredible knowledge of the Bible and a strong foundation in Christ, she was seen as a less than honorable woman based on the fact that she was a widow at a very young age and had a child out of wedlock as well as one from her brief marriage. At least that’s the way it appeared and certainly seemed interpreted in the very male-oriented construction of that church. The only women allowed to mentor or teach were those married to pastors or elders; well, except for two single women who happened to be very wealthy. They were held in high esteem and had preferential treatment very different than the single moms I was close to. This was a church that had long practiced a strict tithe of 10% of one’s income. I’m sure that their wealth have anything to do with their acceptance, although the other moms were on welfare.
I arrived at the church neither wealthy nor long immersed in Christian theology, however I had a strong love of the Lord and a feeling of full redemption from being saved that was unflappable. I was a breath of much needed wind of the spirit for my good friend of the now past forty years. We broke bread together often and our fatherless boys at least had an emotionally similar friend in the church community. There were things I loved about the music and worship, which was indeed the mainstay of this community, but I read the hearts and saw a lot of hurt concealed there as well. That wasn’t something I could fix, nor were the pastors interested in addressing it, but I always believed I was meant to be there for the time that I was. It was part of an incredible ‘real time’ education in my walk with Jesus and He continued to teach me as we walked the road of Christian community together. Learning in real time rather than by reading was always a better method for my retention of important things.
The reason for this post is while I left that church only a couple years after I arrived, my friend was not so fortunate; when she finally did leave a great deal of damage had been done to her spirit. As she says, she walked away from Jesus for a long while after that, although He certainly never left her. Just last week she renewed he commitment to Him and her terrible anxiety of the last decade or more has finally begun to lift from her. The prescription of anti depressants a current doctor had given her sent her into a tailspin and then to the emergency room of the nearest hospital last week. After all the tests were run, she realized that there was no physical reason for the anxiety tearing her apart. After that she recommitted her life to God through Jesus and she went home, literally and figuratively, to a new life with no more anti depressants. I spoke with her today and she sounds more like the hopeful young woman I met forty years ago than the one I have spoken to by phone for years. Total dependence on Him is the fastest way to rid ourselves of anxiety and also by truly trusting the outcomes of our situations to His love and care. He does not disappoint, though the way he takes us may be new or unusual, often I find they were never even on my dashboard. Looking back there is not one that I would have wanted to miss!