It is true, we are to forgive and then try to forget things we perceive as wounds to our psyche. They are personal, and often not intended by the person who said them in the way that they were received. I find email and texting particularly prone to misinterpretation. Partly because there is not only no eye contact or observed body language, but also  no tone of voice to listen to for inflection or compassion.

So is a blanket “I’m sorry” good enough? I don’t think so. If it doesn’t acknowledge the perceived misinterpretation, it will never suffice. It puts all the onus on the wounded party to absorb the hurt. If the person who has been offended is brave enough to bring it up, it needs to be addressed in a non-defensive way. This can happen only where both people are willing to talk about feelings, and open to the fact they both have played a part.

This will forever be the most difficult part of family dynamics for me. So much is said in jest and in sarcasm that it is difficult to separate the true jabs from the ones that were meant to roll off your back. Some of us are more thin-skinned or sensitive, evidently, than others. Not all of us want to repair the damage. It is a place to really test our personal communications skills, over and over again. Perhaps that is where we also decide to make changes in our own delivery, to benefit future generations going forward. For that reason it is worth trying, though it can be painful to attempt it and very possibly met with total resistance.

In that case there is only one choice. Try to forgive, and try to move in a different direction. However, if given the chance to truly hear and accept the pain my words may have caused someone close to me, I hope I will always try to find the courage to sincerely apologize for the damage those words have done. The results may be truly miraculous in lifting a burden I was not aware I had added to that person’s soul.