The preceding post may have seemed long winded and heavy, but I do know it is something that is a struggle for many people I know. There isn’t a simple answer or solution. It can be difficult discerning God’s will and His plan for our lives. We are entering the period of our lives that we grew up knowing as “retirement”, but most of us are working harder and longer than we did before, some with the added responsibilities of grandchildren or aging parents to care for.These are not days that most of us thought we would be navigating totally alone.

The upside is that God can always bring something or someone unexpected into our lives and redirect our course in a split second. I know that most of my Christian friends are excited about this time being wide open to new directions and experiences. I feel like there is an untapped well of enthusiasm that is just waiting for the new opportunity that is about to cross my path. The peace that I have come to know as God’s leading in my life is easier and easier to notice and proceeding one step at a time is not only the way He often reveals His plan, it is the best way for me to follow it.

We don’t know, nor do we need to know, everything that follows. We just do the next best thing. The lightness that accompanies a life lived like that is amazing in  contrast to the heavy struggling we have all known at various times in our lives. Were we struggling against Him? Perhaps, in some cases. Surrender is the hardest thing to do, and yet it yields the most results with the least amount of effort. Sometimes we learn it at a very high cost. Sometimes we decide to choose it and let go of our own need to feel like we are in control. The best thing we can do as we get closer to Him is lighten up! Carry as little baggage as possible, and be ready to go wherever He calls us.

Now there’s a journey to pack for! Remember having the bag ready for the trip to the hospital when your first child was about to enter the scene? You knew that no matter how prepared you were, your life was about to change in ways you could never imagine. That’s the way I feel these days, and I think a number of women I know feel the same way, perhaps the men do as well. It is as though God is birthing something new within us, and we are full of expectation, surprise and wonder that He could. Personally, I am thinking of whittling my necessities down to a backpack to make the traveling even easier!

I am remembering Dear Abby, and all the others who gave us their take on this or that social dilemma growing up, where there seemed to be a correct answer to handling a social situation between people. Today there is so much information available, it is mind boggling, and yet it seems we still struggle with how to be appropriate, how to handle social interactions, how to heal without hurting others.

I am struck at this point in my life at how differently I look at the dating scene than I did the last time I tentatively passed through. Perhaps this has to do with having fully surrendered my life to Christ, not just in word, but in deed. I can quickly process through inquiries on a website, because if they don’t list a relationship with God, or attendance at a church and/or Bible study as important to them, I know that they would not be the people God would be bringing into my life for any long term purpose. Even ten years ago, this would not have been a problem or even a part of my sorting process. I would have thought that I could bring that spiritual dimension into someone’s life. No longer do I feel that way.

I am too far gone to go backward, even for the sake of someone else and their journey. Not that I am not supportive; I will do anything to offer God’s love and encouragement to another on their path to knowing Him intimately. It is just that once you have known Him as brother, friend, Father, provider, and husband in your own life, it would seem worse than divorce or death to leave Him out. Fortunately, for the way He presents Himself in our lives, He can and is an important third party in any relationship going forward. To have Him in common brings an instant knowing and sense of family to people who have just met, who  may have very little else they would normally share as like interests.

I was struck today by two friends my age asking for my help in their relationships with the opposite sex. How to address people in their dating lives in words and yet not say anything hurtful or misleading. I think that as Christians, it is even more difficult to navigate the dating waters, because we are so conscious of acting in His name, and wanting to represent Him well. I have a few concerns about the church and its approach to older singles. I feel they often ignore them. I feel they are missing a golden opportunity to provide a safe and comfortable arena for older singles to meet each other on non-dating terms, without the fear that they may find someone who is actually leading them away from Christ rather than toward Him.

I believe, and have for twenty years, that there are ways to facilitate this process and keep the hearts and mind of those precious people safe. I believe they are just as important to Christ as are His youngsters stepping out for the first time into the arena of love and relationship. In some ways, it is even more critical that we do not get hurt or lose our way, as we have already found what is most important. I do not believe that God only wants for us a life of serving and showing up to fill the many volunteer capacities that a church always needs filled, for which older singles always seem available.

I believe that God wants to partner some of them and use them even more effectively as couples, people who have testimony to share, to offer hope for how God heals and provides and blesses, even after tragedies have separated them from the path their lives were originally taking. I am confident that He is beginning a new work, where the churches will begin to step forward into an incredible opportunity to minister to those who already occupy their pews every Sunday, who for the most part would never think of asking anything of their church for themselves. It is just the way we were brought up, and it is something we would probably see as a selfish request. If asked we would answer, “I’m OK, God is good, He is taking good care of me, I am fine”. But my question is, is that really God’s Best for that person? Would even some of them find a more complete healing and wholeness and ability to serve Him if they had a supportive partner for this unique time in their lives. It is a time they have so much wisdom to offer, and yet are so often burdened by just accomplishing the everyday tasks and finances alone, having no one to share that journey with, yet never wanting to burden their children or their church with their happiness and health issues.

Is it possible for me to eat alone almost every meal of my life and be grateful? Absolutely. Is it God’s best for me? I won’t believe so until He personally informs me. As of yet, I have not heard that still small voice saying anything of the kind. I am listening, however, and I hope He will give me direction for something that weighs heavily on my heart, because I know that I am not alone in this feeling. It is the burden of the others that He has placed on my heart that makes me speak up where I would normally push my own feelings aside.

I have some ideas for ways to address this within our churches, how about you?

I offered to lead a Bible Study that was starting at our church last night. I have been on the receiving end of so much growth in the previous three that I have attended, and I felt God was leading me to step forward this time. I was thrilled with the enthusiastic turnout that greeted me at my table, and definitely felt I was the fortunate one as none of these women need leading (maybe corralling for all of us?).

As we proceeded through the getting to know you phase that always opens the first night, I saw I had a group of rebels and thinkers, they are way ahead when it comes to finding a way to get to the heart of the matter and simplify the route! How refreshing that was. I am known for a bit of that myself, and here I am surrounded by a tribe of gifted rule breakers!

I am thrilled with the upcoming opportunities for all of us, and as I told them, I am just keeping God’s seat warm, ready to turn over the reigns whenever He shows up at our table…..as He will frequently do. Since there were more women than chairs last night, He may well need my seat! I know that when women turn their hearts to Him, He always shows up and has incredible things to share with us. I am always thrilled that “I’ll take a rain check” is not part of His vocabulary!

I apologize for being somewhat off the radar getting this New Year off to a great start by doing the things that always drag me down first (getting tax stuff compiled for my accountant, etc.) But having done that, I expect to be way more present for the things happening daily in my life and the things God points out that I might share with you. I am wishing all my friends and readers a spectacular new year, full of new possibilities for dreams come true!

I was so amazed by this that I nearly forgot to add it to my posts. So many people said that was such a great testimony I thought I had best include it. I often forget God’s miracles because they are so much a part of my daily life, it sometimes takes another person noticing for me to realize just how significant sometimes they are.

The day after Christmas was the day my son and I were to return to Florida from our holiday in Vermont. On Christmas Day, we never turned on the TV, only the music. We were gratefully spared all the pre-storm fear that evidently was rampant around the country at that point. We awoke at normal time the day we were to leave, as our flight was not until 5pm and we were two hours or less from the airport. It was at that point the news started seeping in. A concerned call from returning relatives followed by turning on the news to see that all major airports on the east coast were bracing for a huge snowstorm. I woke my son and we tried to get the airline on the phone (useless) and find out online what was happening and what our choices were (also unproductive, though scary). It appeared there were no more available seats to our destination for three days!

I put in a quick call to a friend who works at the Jacksonville airport and she went by the USAir counter and called me back. She said while it didn’t look good, our best bet was probably to go to the airport and hope for the best. That is what we decided to do. My son and I packed up our things, took off in the rental car at about 11am and headed to the airport in New Hampshire.

When we arrived to return our rental car we were met with a totally empty lot. One employee met us, and he was going off duty soon. He advised us to keep the car and go back where we came from. There had been no flights leaving that day, and while our 5 o’clock was still posted ‘on time’ he knew it would be canceled shortly. We thanked him for sharing and proceeded to the check-in counter where there was no one in line (day after Christmas…has that ever happened?) The nice lady at the counter advised that our flight was the only one not canceled, but as the weather was not improving anywhere it was only a matter of time…an we were still five hours from departure.

I looked at my son and said, what do you think? and he said, lets check the bags to Jacksonville and go wait it out. So we proceeded to the gate, through security check where we were the only passengers in the area. The security head offered that we should probably be looking for a hotel room and to be sure to hit the restaurant because they would all probably close by 3pm and that would be the end of the food. Though we had grabbed a quick lunch before we left home, we heeded her advice as far as ordering a sandwich to keep just in case, we went to the gate without checking hotel availability. There was one other person at the gate, and we all sat there reading books in a dead airport for the next three hours. Our flight changed from ‘on time ‘ to ‘ delayed, but it was still not joining the list of all the others that said canceled.

A very strange thing happened about 45 minutes before the original scheduled departure time. People started flowing into the gate area. A very nice agent took his position at the counter and started informing us what was happening. Our flight was delayed and had not departed from DC but was to leave momentarily. Some of our connections had been canceled, ours had merely been delayed inbound as well. The fight came in, left with a full load and hour and a half late and arrived quietly in DC where we deplaned and awaited our next flight. Again, in a very quiet airport, we ate our soggy sandwiches and listened to the roll of canceled fights as they were announced. I looked at my son over our meal and said do you have any fear that we will not get out and he said No. I didn’t either.

Two hours after the scheduled departure, we were boarding our full flight, being told that we needed to board and be in the air in twenty minutes or our flight would be canceled because Jacksonville’s airport shuts down at midnight. The pilot was determined to get us there, and everyone hustled to get their bags tucked away, and off we went. In all this time we had not seen more that a flutter of snow, very few airplanes anywhere, and less people than I ever remember in an airport. They were probably told what we were: stay home, don’t come, turn around, etc.

As we arrived home only two hours late and stood claiming our bags , it began to sink in how fortunate we had been. The traveling mercies I had asked God for on our drive to the airport had been very visible the entire day. What was totally missing was any confusion or fear. We felt like we were in a protective bubble of some sort. We caught the bus for the parking lot and thanked God for His amazing guidance and provision through the storm. Sometimes you can be in the eye of a storm and not even feel it around you, if you trust God to take care of you. It was a very smooth ride.

I have a bookmark that I keep in my Bible (I update my Bible about every five years, because I make notes in them and I always love a newer version that gives me new perspective and insights). It says on December 9th, 1983, I asked Christ into my life, and my life has never been dull for a moment since then! Now it probably wasn’t boring before that, as I am a person of high energy and life seems to move fast and pick up speed,  but previously I had no framework in which to resolve the recurring drama and disappointment.

So today is my birthday in Christ, and for some reason it is more special to me than the other one that comes every year…possibly because it doesn’t add any lines to my face? I won’t be offended if no one remembers, because I know Someone who will never forget. Nor will I. I was home with a newborn son, wondering why his father had failed to do all he said he was going do when the child was born, among them being accountable and participating in the costs of his care. The fact that this had been a long term relationship and formerly good friendship made the abandonment seem even more crushing; I had a business to run (a gift store at Christmastime….yikes!), another young son to care for, and my world seemed to be crashing around me.

At that moment a single mom from my newly found church came by to offer her time and assistance. In the process of her visit she shared with me the difference her relationship with God through Christ had made in her own life. She made her living as a Mary Kay salesperson, and yet not once did she try to sell me anything (that made a huge impression on me that lingers today….don’t try to “sell” Christ with anything else…..why I was always leery of pyramid schemes that suggested using Christ as a door opener!) Anyway, she tithed her time instead of money she didn’t have, and I am ever so grateful for her obedience.

Twenty seven years later, I no longer remember her name, but I am sure God has it in His Book, and I have the bookmark, to remind me that all my struggles have made sense since that time, and have opened the door to my heart to share His love with any others He sends across my path. May I never cease to be obedient to His voice for the lost and hurting. Not once in all these years have I felt a sense of abandonment from Him, even when something threatened to stir that memory within me.

I believe God has used this year to clear out whatever debris was left of my past, cleaning out closets and garages and attics with me to make way for a beautiful, bright and loving future. Having been willing to go to the mat with Him to clear the foundation and seal the fissures, I am seeing that I am open to all kinds of possibilities that seemed to escape my grasp in the years behind me. I feel as though we have done the hard work together, and the deep cleaning is over. Time to celebrate, throw open the doors and have that Birthday Party! I have asked Him for a special gift this year, and I will let you know when it arrives.

We live in a world where we are either overloaded with too much or teased with too little. How does one make a good decision without enough? Now I am an intuitive person by nature, and my gut is my strong suit (often possibly the nudge of the Holy Spirit) , but once again I am faced with a dilemma I cannot seem to process.

They have evidently changed the format of the singles site I was on about a year ago. Presently the men just hit a button that gives me a message “JoeFish232 wants to meet you”! What happens when you first go on is that every guy watching his screen who sees a decent looking picture come across it hits that button. The whole point to me of writing out a profile and talking about yourself and the kind of person with whom you might be comfortable, was to eliminate it being totally based on looks.

But, alas, it is even more so now than it was a yr ago. This not only annoys me, as I have to go and read all their profiles and look at all their pictures before penning some sort of response, it eliminated the one thing I wanted to know: Are they a good communicator and do they like to communicate and if so, about what? That tells me if I would even want to spend an hour over lunch with them or be bored out of my mind trying to make conversation. I guess this goes back to my previous blog about talk based on what where and with whom you ate. (By the way I did have a wonderful meal with a friend from my Bible study and her son after church last Sunday!)

I am turned off by all the attention paid to the outside of a person. I must admit I give men a wide berth when it comes to that, based more on what they share and if they seem to be an interesting or compassionate person than I initially pay to their picture. Men notoriously take pictures of themselves at their computer, the lens often giving a kind of fishbowl effect to their face. Always one in front of their motorcycle or sports car, which is usually very shiny and clean but they forgot to tuck in their own shirt. And one in their living room, often with a can of beer next to their lazyboy in front of the TV. I look past all of these things initially. I do wish they would hit spell check though, as I have such a difficult time looking past spelling errors. I am working on it, but that would be so easy for them to do. Often a year or two later, their picture is the same and the spell check errors are still there. If they don’t find even that worth changing, so much for character flaws or behavior modifications!

It is difficult. They keep wanting more pictures. I begin to wonder, are you making a scrapbook or are you looking for a real live woman? Do you not trust me when I say I am thin, or do you really think I only offered a face shot because I am hiding four hundred pounds beneath it? I do get discouraged. They are looking for a “classy lady” but do they really think class is something you can buy at Talbot’s? I admit I am perplexed by the way their minds seem to work. Everything they have written in their profile is usually betrayed by their first communication.

Oh for the days when we met at parties and were introduced by mutual friends. When someone could tell by the way you lit up the room or the way your eyes sparkled, that you were a lady of value and passion. It does not compute into a dating website. My dog Gypsy came with more references than any of these potential candidates for relationships will ever have. I think there should be testimonials from former wives, friends, children….someone! I have ten of these to respond to. My ADD has just kicked in and I am pulling my profile off now. God will just have to find another way to do this, because I am exhausted!

I learn so much from my weekly Bible study. Just showing up is the single most important task. Get myself in the room and in the chair and I will definitely learn something new about myself. That is the way God works. He uses those in community with us to be our teachers.

The funny thing is, they don’t know they are teachers, or they wouldn’t show up. You’re talking way too much responsibility. They wouldn’t think they are good at it. We only go because there is someone on the video who carries that title. However, the learning really happens at the table.

The word commitment came up during our discussion this week. Those of us, who had been married and were no longer, seemed to recoil at the word. I thought it was interesting and I noticed that the woman, who had expressed that reaction as not being one of her strengths, was one of the most committed women in the room. Barring a family or work emergency she was always present when we met. She had a leadership role and never failed to be prepared. She was introspective, encouraging and insightful about everyone else who shared. She was raising her son to be a godly and compassionate young man. She maintained a job and a home by herself. Where did this uncertainty come from?

We all decided that commitment had a somewhat negative connotation and we really weren’t sure why.

The wonderful thing about a group like this is that we go home with the information and let it marinate in our thoughts. It is because we care and are committed to the others in the group that we can turn the thought around and around in our mind and see what else comes up. Partly because it isn’t personal we are committed to seeing what else might be involved; we want to excavate the deeper reason behind the thought itself. We want to see if it still has value in our perception of ourselves or each other today; if, in fact it is even true for us today. We do this mainly because we care about that other person so we can study it somewhat objectively.

I have realized that for me it is now a good word, one that I am worthy to put on my list of self-descriptions. While there may be a failed marriage (or two) in my past, it takes two people being committed to make marriage a strong and healthy environment. One cannot do it alone. Relationships cannot survive on the commitment of one person. If I were the only person who showed up for our meeting each week I would only leave with exactly what I brought. Instead it is multiplied many times over by the number of people who honor their commitment. Those who don’t show  miss a lot, even if it necessary. We can never share with them what they missed. You had to be there to get it.

So show up! Be fully present. You will be amazed what God can do with even that much commitment. Not such a scary word anymore, is it?

I was walking Gypsy the other day and noticed how, even though he loves his morning and afternoon walk and sniff’s more than just about anything except food, there is a significant excitement when we happen to run into another dog walking a human.

Is it that after days of living with someone who is clearly nice to him and takes good care of his needs, that he has just gotten a glimpse of something that offers the potential for more than that? Some other being who validates his shape, size, furriness, and communication skills? Is this perhaps why, no matter the outcome, every few years I try out a new singles site in the vague hope that someone of the male persuasion just might happen to be searching for someone exactly like me this week?

There is something about like kind, definitely. We do like to know that we are not the only ones inhabiting a similar body, and it helps to cross paths with others who look the same, are perhaps even from the same gene pool. I find that for me, connecting with others of like mind is also of amazing importance to pique both my ability and desire to want to fully participate in life and to be excited about my future.

There are blogs of people like me that I now read on an almost daily basis. They are out there in the world, and thanks to the internet, I can connect to them and feel instantly at home. My odd duck feeling dissipates immediately when I read something that sounds familiar to the voice in my head who has not yet given it words.

I also love to read blogs of similarly minded thinkers who are throwing a curve ball into my path. They make me turn my brain around like a kaleidoscope until I find a new picture that challenges or comforts me. At the very least they urge me, without criticizing, to change the channel for a moment and see if I might enjoy something different than I had previously thought.

That’s why I love these blogs. A chance to put our thoughts out there; sometimes others tune in and add to the music, sometimes it’s a solo, but it sounds good to me either way.

I had the opportunity to watch a couple of movies this week as the holidays approached, and I realized how often movies portray the nature of our families as we grew up. It is indeed a bottomless pit of possibilities for fun and dysfunction!

I noticed how uncomfortable I often was in watching ones that reminded me more how I felt in my family of origin, and how much more comfortable I was watching the ones that really showed the craziness, but also a deep acceptance and love. The one that brought me the most tears, laughter and joy at the end was Little Miss Sunshine. A mess of characters to be sure, all packed in a VW bus, but it was the total acceptance of their differences and uniqueness that finally cracked open their immense love for each other.

I am most grateful as we approach Thanksgiving, that I have in my two sons and daughter-in-law, the family I always wanted: the ones who would jump up on stage with me if I was making an utter fool of myself (if for no reason other than the fact the people I was trying to please were the real jackasses). There is no right or wrong way to do most things, only different ways. We lose a lot when we forget that and criticize one another for being different. The saddest part is they also miss out on feeling the love that we may actually feel for them.

I know my family knows who I am, and while we may not always agree with each other, we respect each others differences and actually seek them out, rather than a family group-think mentality. We all learn life lessons from each other, and I hope that will never end. It is that for which I am most thankful. Enjoy your family, and lighten up on those criticisms….instead, how about telling them one thing that you love most about them because it is different from you!

I was reminded yet again, that the safest way to make more acquaintances, and stay on good terms with many people, is to never delve into any area conversationally with any depth. That way, no one’s feelings get hurt and no one puts themselves at any risk (by no one, I mean me).

I have come up with a list of the possible things that are OK to talk about. I am going to venture out of my comfort zone this week and try them out, particularly with people who seem to like to stay on those topics.

1) What I ate. 2) Where I ate. 3) With whom I ate. 4) Plants and flowers and 5) Rate the weather today from 1-10. There. That’s it. If I stay on those topics I will probably triple the number of people who will want to talk with me daily.

From there perhaps I can start to follow a team of some sort, and then with all those in my repertoire, I may become proficient at lasting more than a week on a singles dating site.

Is it that I am really deep, or that the world appears sometimes rather shallow? I have a friend in my Bible study working at having deeper thoughts. She is finding it quite a struggle. I, on the other hand, am grasping at straws for some really surface comments about life.

Cheerios, standing in my kitchen, my dog Gypsy, no garden at present, 9+….(OK, I really think the last four days have been 10’s, but does that make me a Pollyanna? Someone told me it rained one afternoon, but I didn’t even notice it!  I mean this weather is fabulous!) Oops, there I go again…off into the wild blue yonder of thought and enthusiasm….now stop that. It might lead to meaningful conversation. Perhaps food conversations could do that also…? Maybe I am missing something!