I have had a tic in my eye for the past two or three weeks. I cannot explain how annoying it can be, but if you have ever had one, you know.

I am presently in a Bible study about Jonah and running away from what you hear God tell you to do. I have begun to think of the tic as God’s way of calling my attention to certain things. Even though I am paying very close attention to Him right now, I could be missing the very things He wants me to see. That’s why I am really noticing when the tic is going and when it has stopped.

I think my trouble is that He is asking me to focus on where He wants me to go next, and sometimes I come up with all kinds of other good things to distract me. This is not a big running away, but perhaps many small ways in which I am detouring from the path He has ahead of me. Actually it is pretty clear, and I have a discerning sister in the Lord who always seems to call just about when I am noticing the tic getting totally obnoxious. After we talk and she offers insight into where I might be detouring, I notice that if I take that information into my spirit, the tic has amazingly stopped. When it starts up again I sometimes miss the exact moment, but all of a sudden it is back and I am at another crossroads, because I have questioned whether what I am hearing makes good sense. It makes God sense, and that’s all that really matters.

Since I believe God is doing a new work in me right now(updating previous directions), I am not at all surprised that I have this fluttering reminder. Little things are much easier to overlook than big ones, and yet can rob us of the final prize just as easily. When financial planners urge us to start saving something on a regular basis it is because they recognize the  merit of this principle; Little things done regularly do add up to big things.

Today is the day I have finally noticed the direction I believe God wants me to go. Now I need to put sticky notes everywhere to remind me to stay on the path. Or, I could just keep this tic around for awhile longer to remind me!

I recently had occasion to visit a friend at their home several hours from here. This friend is very much a Christian, and attends Church on a regular basis.  Bible study is also a part of their weekly practices. This person is very careful about their finances, and it brought up some interesting points for me to consider.

There is careful, and there is stingy. Which one, if either, represents our stewardship of God’s money? I believe that while this is very much a matter of our own personal relationship with God, we must be careful that we also represent the way other perceive our faith and reliance on God. On the other side of this coin I have Christian friends who are way too generous with what God gives them, and never worry about taking care of themselves, being very willing to take care of others. Which is a better advertisement for our Lord, or is either one really accurate?

Another thing I noticed about this particular friend was how they unplugged every single lamp or appliance in their home when not in use. This supposedly conserved energy and also cut way back on the electricity bill. What I noticed, as a guest in their home, was that when I awoke early and wanted to read my Bible study for the day, I was bumbling around in the dark, trying to find not just a light that could be plugged in, but also an outlet to source the power to it.

It occurred to me that this way of conserving power and currency was also a way I perceived this person’s faith. They would ‘turn God on’ when they decided they needed to. Certainly not in every situation, nor one where they had their own agenda for how things were to go. They would ask God’s blessing on their food, and thank Him for His provision. When it came to how to spend or how to choose most things in their life, they were very much OK with the way they personally decided to do it.

There is something about being poor enough to have to turn to God for almost every provision in your life. It becomes more of a habit. When you cannot afford to make a wrong choice, you really want God’s help in making the right one. This isn’t always the one you expect or even want, but if it is in the direction He is taking you, then you might as well get on the train going to that station as on one going the other direction. In the end, there is so much more ground you have to recover if you went the wrong way!

Many of us have found this to be true and as a result have found the older we get, the faster we turn to him for directions. Unlike my GPS system, I have rarely found God’s directions to be incorrect. I have never thought He got it wrong. Also unlike my GPS, I have yet to end up on a dead end street going “What???” I usually go “Ah ha! That’s why you sent me this way instead of the way I was going to go!”

I see so many friends struggling with directions for their life right now. I am right there with them. The only difference is that some of us are actively seeking God on a daily basis to see if we should “Turn right, then stay on the motorway.” Sometimes His directions are only given one step at a time and we don’t have anything that will show us how many miles we have to go or time until we reach our destination.

The wonderful thing is, we will never regret those moves that had everything to do with Him and His plans for our life. I ask the question, are we plugged in to the source all the time for our marching orders, or only when we feel lost or in unknown territory? Are we bumbling around in the dark when we have total 24/7 access to that source? And are we conserving His energy for when we need it more? If so, why? Did He ever tell us there was a limited supply and we need to conserve it?

Like God’s love for us, the more we turn it on, the more there is to give away. The more we accept and receive, the more we have to give willingly and freely to others He puts in our path. He is the source who never raises His prices nor looses His power. Our light will never be turned off…. unless we do it ourselves. So my question remains, are we plugged in?

I am in the midst of a wonderful Bible Study right now about Jonah, a Life Interrupted, by Patricia Shirer. Needlestosay, it is off at a gallop, as all the Bible studies seem to be for me in the past year!

The last time we met, however, the video we watched was talking about the wonderful condition of having our lives determined by God, rather than by our own determination. She referred to that life as a “privileged” life. That really caught me. I have struggled with growing up in what would have been deemed by many as a privileged family, having the benefit of private school education, country clubs and nice homes.

One of my biggest trials has been the seeming difference between that beginning and the life in which I raised my sons, which bore little resemblance to my own beginnings. It seemed as though I had failed, whenever I was confronted by the present situations of other siblings or of friends whom I had known growing up. My life seemed to come up short on the material side of things, having moved often and pretty much lost most of what would have been evidence of what I had even procured over the years.

I often felt as though I didn’t have much to say, regarding the importance of savings, retirement funds and a plan for my future. On the other hand, I seemed much more optimistic and even excited about a future that was way less clear than theirs appeared to be. Today that word really struck a chord that left me knowing why I didn’t feel shaken or upset or like the failure the world might think that I am. I feel privileged.

Privileged to have spent the last 27 years hearing God. privileged to have been willing and able to reverse or change the course of my life totally, when God directed me to do that. Privileged to have enough money to survive, but not so much that I was ever willing to give it more importance than God’s perfect plan for me.

Yes, that word held a lot of comfort for me. It felt exactly like the place I feel I occupy in this world. I have an enviable life, only because I totally trust God for my present and my future. I trust that He will redirect me as often as He sees fit, as He has always done and will continue to do as long as I continue to seek and welcome His direction. He will accompany me into the places that are hard for me to go, but we will both be the better for it.

It is a nice place to be, this privileged place, with little to give up and everything to give, as well as receive.

I recently had occasion to re-evaluate something that happens, yet we often don’t even realize it for what it is. I had a situation at work where we were aware of another company where I had formerly worked, shutting down their local operation. They had many Realtors working there, so it meant they would all be shuffling around possibly frantically, trying to find a new place to hang their license.

Having gone through this process myself several times over the past 20 years, I immediately thought of the people I had known there and what they would be going through. The people whom I had known and who came to mind were mostly women over fifty and single, no great surprise there!

While I am not a natural recruiter, and even though my company gives a reward for bringing in good new talent, those things don’t motivate me as much as knowing that if someone hadn’t called me to tell me about this small and wonderful firm, I would have been at the mercy of the big conglomerate offices, which really never suited me very well.

I called my Broker to tell her I was going to email and or call a few people, only to get her husband on the phone who told me had just sent out an email to everyone at the company and he had used my name. Now you gotta know I love this guy and he is a dear Christian and a very motivated and helpful marketer for our office. There was just something about “using my name” without me knowing how or giving permission that struck me as a little uncomfortable.

I did go on to call and write those people whom I knew personally, and left it in God’s hands as to whether they made an appointment to go meet and speak with my broker. Yesterday, while talking with another Christian friend I somehow got on the subject as it related to a situation her husband was going through at their church.

Often I think we forget to realize what is involved when we are using God’s name. We may even subconsciously include it to cover a ministry situation,  when we are leading a Bible study or even when disciplining or advising our children; our intention is to be saying or doing what we think He would have us say or do. However, how often do we really stop to ask His permission for our well intentioned words or counsel? Do we do it every time, or just once in awhile? I wonder if He ever feels like I did, pausing to think that while I trust you and I know you love me, is what you are saying exactly what I would have wanted you to say?

All the thoughts, feelings, motivations and passions of my life are embodied in my name. Is Christ any different? Only more so, if you ask me. So my thought for the day is, when considering what we say and do in His name, shouldn’t we first remember to ask His guidance and input on what we are about to say and do in His name? If we follow through on that, every time, I don’t think we will get out of alignment and then need His correction further down the line.

The preceding post may have seemed long winded and heavy, but I do know it is something that is a struggle for many people I know. There isn’t a simple answer or solution. It can be difficult discerning God’s will and His plan for our lives. We are entering the period of our lives that we grew up knowing as “retirement”, but most of us are working harder and longer than we did before, some with the added responsibilities of grandchildren or aging parents to care for.These are not days that most of us thought we would be navigating totally alone.

The upside is that God can always bring something or someone unexpected into our lives and redirect our course in a split second. I know that most of my Christian friends are excited about this time being wide open to new directions and experiences. I feel like there is an untapped well of enthusiasm that is just waiting for the new opportunity that is about to cross my path. The peace that I have come to know as God’s leading in my life is easier and easier to notice and proceeding one step at a time is not only the way He often reveals His plan, it is the best way for me to follow it.

We don’t know, nor do we need to know, everything that follows. We just do the next best thing. The lightness that accompanies a life lived like that is amazing in  contrast to the heavy struggling we have all known at various times in our lives. Were we struggling against Him? Perhaps, in some cases. Surrender is the hardest thing to do, and yet it yields the most results with the least amount of effort. Sometimes we learn it at a very high cost. Sometimes we decide to choose it and let go of our own need to feel like we are in control. The best thing we can do as we get closer to Him is lighten up! Carry as little baggage as possible, and be ready to go wherever He calls us.

Now there’s a journey to pack for! Remember having the bag ready for the trip to the hospital when your first child was about to enter the scene? You knew that no matter how prepared you were, your life was about to change in ways you could never imagine. That’s the way I feel these days, and I think a number of women I know feel the same way, perhaps the men do as well. It is as though God is birthing something new within us, and we are full of expectation, surprise and wonder that He could. Personally, I am thinking of whittling my necessities down to a backpack to make the traveling even easier!

I am remembering Dear Abby, and all the others who gave us their take on this or that social dilemma growing up, where there seemed to be a correct answer to handling a social situation between people. Today there is so much information available, it is mind boggling, and yet it seems we still struggle with how to be appropriate, how to handle social interactions, how to heal without hurting others.

I am struck at this point in my life at how differently I look at the dating scene than I did the last time I tentatively passed through. Perhaps this has to do with having fully surrendered my life to Christ, not just in word, but in deed. I can quickly process through inquiries on a website, because if they don’t list a relationship with God, or attendance at a church and/or Bible study as important to them, I know that they would not be the people God would be bringing into my life for any long term purpose. Even ten years ago, this would not have been a problem or even a part of my sorting process. I would have thought that I could bring that spiritual dimension into someone’s life. No longer do I feel that way.

I am too far gone to go backward, even for the sake of someone else and their journey. Not that I am not supportive; I will do anything to offer God’s love and encouragement to another on their path to knowing Him intimately. It is just that once you have known Him as brother, friend, Father, provider, and husband in your own life, it would seem worse than divorce or death to leave Him out. Fortunately, for the way He presents Himself in our lives, He can and is an important third party in any relationship going forward. To have Him in common brings an instant knowing and sense of family to people who have just met, who  may have very little else they would normally share as like interests.

I was struck today by two friends my age asking for my help in their relationships with the opposite sex. How to address people in their dating lives in words and yet not say anything hurtful or misleading. I think that as Christians, it is even more difficult to navigate the dating waters, because we are so conscious of acting in His name, and wanting to represent Him well. I have a few concerns about the church and its approach to older singles. I feel they often ignore them. I feel they are missing a golden opportunity to provide a safe and comfortable arena for older singles to meet each other on non-dating terms, without the fear that they may find someone who is actually leading them away from Christ rather than toward Him.

I believe, and have for twenty years, that there are ways to facilitate this process and keep the hearts and mind of those precious people safe. I believe they are just as important to Christ as are His youngsters stepping out for the first time into the arena of love and relationship. In some ways, it is even more critical that we do not get hurt or lose our way, as we have already found what is most important. I do not believe that God only wants for us a life of serving and showing up to fill the many volunteer capacities that a church always needs filled, for which older singles always seem available.

I believe that God wants to partner some of them and use them even more effectively as couples, people who have testimony to share, to offer hope for how God heals and provides and blesses, even after tragedies have separated them from the path their lives were originally taking. I am confident that He is beginning a new work, where the churches will begin to step forward into an incredible opportunity to minister to those who already occupy their pews every Sunday, who for the most part would never think of asking anything of their church for themselves. It is just the way we were brought up, and it is something we would probably see as a selfish request. If asked we would answer, “I’m OK, God is good, He is taking good care of me, I am fine”. But my question is, is that really God’s Best for that person? Would even some of them find a more complete healing and wholeness and ability to serve Him if they had a supportive partner for this unique time in their lives. It is a time they have so much wisdom to offer, and yet are so often burdened by just accomplishing the everyday tasks and finances alone, having no one to share that journey with, yet never wanting to burden their children or their church with their happiness and health issues.

Is it possible for me to eat alone almost every meal of my life and be grateful? Absolutely. Is it God’s best for me? I won’t believe so until He personally informs me. As of yet, I have not heard that still small voice saying anything of the kind. I am listening, however, and I hope He will give me direction for something that weighs heavily on my heart, because I know that I am not alone in this feeling. It is the burden of the others that He has placed on my heart that makes me speak up where I would normally push my own feelings aside.

I have some ideas for ways to address this within our churches, how about you?

I offered to lead a Bible Study that was starting at our church last night. I have been on the receiving end of so much growth in the previous three that I have attended, and I felt God was leading me to step forward this time. I was thrilled with the enthusiastic turnout that greeted me at my table, and definitely felt I was the fortunate one as none of these women need leading (maybe corralling for all of us?).

As we proceeded through the getting to know you phase that always opens the first night, I saw I had a group of rebels and thinkers, they are way ahead when it comes to finding a way to get to the heart of the matter and simplify the route! How refreshing that was. I am known for a bit of that myself, and here I am surrounded by a tribe of gifted rule breakers!

I am thrilled with the upcoming opportunities for all of us, and as I told them, I am just keeping God’s seat warm, ready to turn over the reigns whenever He shows up at our table…..as He will frequently do. Since there were more women than chairs last night, He may well need my seat! I know that when women turn their hearts to Him, He always shows up and has incredible things to share with us. I am always thrilled that “I’ll take a rain check” is not part of His vocabulary!

I apologize for being somewhat off the radar getting this New Year off to a great start by doing the things that always drag me down first (getting tax stuff compiled for my accountant, etc.) But having done that, I expect to be way more present for the things happening daily in my life and the things God points out that I might share with you. I am wishing all my friends and readers a spectacular new year, full of new possibilities for dreams come true!

I was so amazed by this that I nearly forgot to add it to my posts. So many people said that was such a great testimony I thought I had best include it. I often forget God’s miracles because they are so much a part of my daily life, it sometimes takes another person noticing for me to realize just how significant sometimes they are.

The day after Christmas was the day my son and I were to return to Florida from our holiday in Vermont. On Christmas Day, we never turned on the TV, only the music. We were gratefully spared all the pre-storm fear that evidently was rampant around the country at that point. We awoke at normal time the day we were to leave, as our flight was not until 5pm and we were two hours or less from the airport. It was at that point the news started seeping in. A concerned call from returning relatives followed by turning on the news to see that all major airports on the east coast were bracing for a huge snowstorm. I woke my son and we tried to get the airline on the phone (useless) and find out online what was happening and what our choices were (also unproductive, though scary). It appeared there were no more available seats to our destination for three days!

I put in a quick call to a friend who works at the Jacksonville airport and she went by the USAir counter and called me back. She said while it didn’t look good, our best bet was probably to go to the airport and hope for the best. That is what we decided to do. My son and I packed up our things, took off in the rental car at about 11am and headed to the airport in New Hampshire.

When we arrived to return our rental car we were met with a totally empty lot. One employee met us, and he was going off duty soon. He advised us to keep the car and go back where we came from. There had been no flights leaving that day, and while our 5 o’clock was still posted ‘on time’ he knew it would be canceled shortly. We thanked him for sharing and proceeded to the check-in counter where there was no one in line (day after Christmas…has that ever happened?) The nice lady at the counter advised that our flight was the only one not canceled, but as the weather was not improving anywhere it was only a matter of time…an we were still five hours from departure.

I looked at my son and said, what do you think? and he said, lets check the bags to Jacksonville and go wait it out. So we proceeded to the gate, through security check where we were the only passengers in the area. The security head offered that we should probably be looking for a hotel room and to be sure to hit the restaurant because they would all probably close by 3pm and that would be the end of the food. Though we had grabbed a quick lunch before we left home, we heeded her advice as far as ordering a sandwich to keep just in case, we went to the gate without checking hotel availability. There was one other person at the gate, and we all sat there reading books in a dead airport for the next three hours. Our flight changed from ‘on time ‘ to ‘ delayed, but it was still not joining the list of all the others that said canceled.

A very strange thing happened about 45 minutes before the original scheduled departure time. People started flowing into the gate area. A very nice agent took his position at the counter and started informing us what was happening. Our flight was delayed and had not departed from DC but was to leave momentarily. Some of our connections had been canceled, ours had merely been delayed inbound as well. The fight came in, left with a full load and hour and a half late and arrived quietly in DC where we deplaned and awaited our next flight. Again, in a very quiet airport, we ate our soggy sandwiches and listened to the roll of canceled fights as they were announced. I looked at my son over our meal and said do you have any fear that we will not get out and he said No. I didn’t either.

Two hours after the scheduled departure, we were boarding our full flight, being told that we needed to board and be in the air in twenty minutes or our flight would be canceled because Jacksonville’s airport shuts down at midnight. The pilot was determined to get us there, and everyone hustled to get their bags tucked away, and off we went. In all this time we had not seen more that a flutter of snow, very few airplanes anywhere, and less people than I ever remember in an airport. They were probably told what we were: stay home, don’t come, turn around, etc.

As we arrived home only two hours late and stood claiming our bags , it began to sink in how fortunate we had been. The traveling mercies I had asked God for on our drive to the airport had been very visible the entire day. What was totally missing was any confusion or fear. We felt like we were in a protective bubble of some sort. We caught the bus for the parking lot and thanked God for His amazing guidance and provision through the storm. Sometimes you can be in the eye of a storm and not even feel it around you, if you trust God to take care of you. It was a very smooth ride.

I have a bookmark that I keep in my Bible (I update my Bible about every five years, because I make notes in them and I always love a newer version that gives me new perspective and insights). It says on December 9th, 1983, I asked Christ into my life, and my life has never been dull for a moment since then! Now it probably wasn’t boring before that, as I am a person of high energy and life seems to move fast and pick up speed,  but previously I had no framework in which to resolve the recurring drama and disappointment.

So today is my birthday in Christ, and for some reason it is more special to me than the other one that comes every year…possibly because it doesn’t add any lines to my face? I won’t be offended if no one remembers, because I know Someone who will never forget. Nor will I. I was home with a newborn son, wondering why his father had failed to do all he said he was going do when the child was born, among them being accountable and participating in the costs of his care. The fact that this had been a long term relationship and formerly good friendship made the abandonment seem even more crushing; I had a business to run (a gift store at Christmastime….yikes!), another young son to care for, and my world seemed to be crashing around me.

At that moment a single mom from my newly found church came by to offer her time and assistance. In the process of her visit she shared with me the difference her relationship with God through Christ had made in her own life. She made her living as a Mary Kay salesperson, and yet not once did she try to sell me anything (that made a huge impression on me that lingers today….don’t try to “sell” Christ with anything else…..why I was always leery of pyramid schemes that suggested using Christ as a door opener!) Anyway, she tithed her time instead of money she didn’t have, and I am ever so grateful for her obedience.

Twenty seven years later, I no longer remember her name, but I am sure God has it in His Book, and I have the bookmark, to remind me that all my struggles have made sense since that time, and have opened the door to my heart to share His love with any others He sends across my path. May I never cease to be obedient to His voice for the lost and hurting. Not once in all these years have I felt a sense of abandonment from Him, even when something threatened to stir that memory within me.

I believe God has used this year to clear out whatever debris was left of my past, cleaning out closets and garages and attics with me to make way for a beautiful, bright and loving future. Having been willing to go to the mat with Him to clear the foundation and seal the fissures, I am seeing that I am open to all kinds of possibilities that seemed to escape my grasp in the years behind me. I feel as though we have done the hard work together, and the deep cleaning is over. Time to celebrate, throw open the doors and have that Birthday Party! I have asked Him for a special gift this year, and I will let you know when it arrives.

We live in a world where we are either overloaded with too much or teased with too little. How does one make a good decision without enough? Now I am an intuitive person by nature, and my gut is my strong suit (often possibly the nudge of the Holy Spirit) , but once again I am faced with a dilemma I cannot seem to process.

They have evidently changed the format of the singles site I was on about a year ago. Presently the men just hit a button that gives me a message “JoeFish232 wants to meet you”! What happens when you first go on is that every guy watching his screen who sees a decent looking picture come across it hits that button. The whole point to me of writing out a profile and talking about yourself and the kind of person with whom you might be comfortable, was to eliminate it being totally based on looks.

But, alas, it is even more so now than it was a yr ago. This not only annoys me, as I have to go and read all their profiles and look at all their pictures before penning some sort of response, it eliminated the one thing I wanted to know: Are they a good communicator and do they like to communicate and if so, about what? That tells me if I would even want to spend an hour over lunch with them or be bored out of my mind trying to make conversation. I guess this goes back to my previous blog about talk based on what where and with whom you ate. (By the way I did have a wonderful meal with a friend from my Bible study and her son after church last Sunday!)

I am turned off by all the attention paid to the outside of a person. I must admit I give men a wide berth when it comes to that, based more on what they share and if they seem to be an interesting or compassionate person than I initially pay to their picture. Men notoriously take pictures of themselves at their computer, the lens often giving a kind of fishbowl effect to their face. Always one in front of their motorcycle or sports car, which is usually very shiny and clean but they forgot to tuck in their own shirt. And one in their living room, often with a can of beer next to their lazyboy in front of the TV. I look past all of these things initially. I do wish they would hit spell check though, as I have such a difficult time looking past spelling errors. I am working on it, but that would be so easy for them to do. Often a year or two later, their picture is the same and the spell check errors are still there. If they don’t find even that worth changing, so much for character flaws or behavior modifications!

It is difficult. They keep wanting more pictures. I begin to wonder, are you making a scrapbook or are you looking for a real live woman? Do you not trust me when I say I am thin, or do you really think I only offered a face shot because I am hiding four hundred pounds beneath it? I do get discouraged. They are looking for a “classy lady” but do they really think class is something you can buy at Talbot’s? I admit I am perplexed by the way their minds seem to work. Everything they have written in their profile is usually betrayed by their first communication.

Oh for the days when we met at parties and were introduced by mutual friends. When someone could tell by the way you lit up the room or the way your eyes sparkled, that you were a lady of value and passion. It does not compute into a dating website. My dog Gypsy came with more references than any of these potential candidates for relationships will ever have. I think there should be testimonials from former wives, friends, children….someone! I have ten of these to respond to. My ADD has just kicked in and I am pulling my profile off now. God will just have to find another way to do this, because I am exhausted!