Seems like I just wrote about this, but I didn’t. Yesterday I got up early, got to work early, did all the pre-opening duties with a light heart, looking forward to a day of accomplishment. Our Regional Manager dropped in for a few hours, which was not unusual at all.

Somewhere around lunchtime she asked me to come into the managers office and close the door. Flag. Then she said she had good news and bad news. Red Flag. Which did I want first? The good news was like a joke (I no longer had to do ten craigslist postings a day), the bad news was that I was being laid off. Effective immediately, though they would pay me for today.

If they bought more properties they would bring me back. That was it. No good job, nice working with you, we will miss you, you really added something to the “team”….pack up and someone will take over where you left off.

I think my almost three months in corporate America has taught me more about why I love being self-employed than anything else could ever have done. Numbers game. Everyone is a cog in the wheel. Easily replaced by another cog.

They will deal with whatever they need to in order to keep everyone a nameless, faceless creature in the scheme of things. That’s how it works best. all the while every morning putting out senseless and endless emails and newsletters saying how important each one is. Sending you to classes, online or otherwise, to show you how individual and important people are and how ethics is key, the company’s true worth is its people.

There is no real concern as to what happens to that person or their family when the paycheck suddenly stops. No tears shed. Next?

As I drove home I called my Broker to say I am back and I can’t wait to see what God has in store! Within two hours I had phone calls from two pending sales that gave us the green light to close, sales that had been pending for over eight months.That’s the only sign I needed to know this was all planned out for me way before this happened.

But how sad for all the people who have to live in a corporate world, not knowing when they will be replaced. I can’t wait to get back to a world where I matter to the people I work for and with. My faith that the provision for my well being is from a far more abundant source than the name on my temporary paycheck has always given me more peace than this past three months of a safe and secure paycheck ever did. And that’s the real Good News!

Today was a truly amazing day at the place where I have been struggling. Today God opened the door for three single Mom’s with jobs to get an opportunity to turn a corner in their lives. This was purely His doing, because it had a lot to do with incredible timing, the opening of a place the size they needed, and a credit review override by my regional manager which all fit together at the same time.

It was a boost in my heart to see  it brought one of them to tears,as  she was clearly on the verge of being homeless with her fifteen year old child. Even with unemployment benefits and food stamps, the loss of her job and her home have had devastating results in her life. To be a link in the chain to help her get back on her feet and back in a place where she can find a new job and pull herself back up and give her child a firm foundation was a blessing to my life.

It was so obvious that God made a way for her today that she just cried in relief and gratefulness and so did the rest of us.That made me really see how even though this has been a difficult place for me to be, that God has not stopped letting me see His hand in my life by seeing it in others who cross my path, where He can use me as a vessel. It is another “good tired” day!

I am glad to report that God has one! I am encouraged to be able to say that God is still in the miracle business in the housing market! I was recently referred a client through my dear sister, a friend of hers who needed to purchase a home in a very short amount of time.

Time frame excluded, we still wanted to find the right home in the right neighborhood at the right price, all of which will provide this couple a very happy present and future. Her one request was for a garden, his for not too much yard and house to take care of. Throughout the course of three short afternoons we processed through approximately twenty homes, several who made the final cut, only to find that God snuck one in at the last minute that was perfection for both of them.

That is why I love my real estate….it is the most fascinating journey, especially with other Christians, to see where we are led and how we finally arrive at exactly the home that is their heart’s desire. The more flexible they are, the more God seems to be specific. The more willing they are  to compromise, the more He makes sure its a great deal!

I love that about watching it all unfold. He always knows who the sellers and the buyers are, and what will be a win/win for both of them. His timing is always right on!

If we are patient and willing to redirect our course, His path unfolds as we follow our daily instructions. It is subtle at the time and yet amazingly clear as you look back. I am always fortunate that the people I am meant to work with are always somehow connected to me, usually by people we know in common, but not always. Sometimes it is an internet profile that just speaks to the other person, or some other reason that just makes them call. We usually know on first contact that we are both in the right place and in good hands. It is a journey that never fails to be exciting to me, and I am so grateful for every opportunity that He brings my way. It continues to let me know that it is not a career as much as a calling, because it never seems like a job!

There’s a difference. Today I started the day earlier than usual and was on the go all day, but I was working (on my day off) at what I loved. It didn’t feel like work, it felt like fun. And I am tired, but from exhilaration, not weariness.

I was able to help one single mom at 8am, after working a 12 hr shift at her job at a prison, get the key to move into the home she closed on a week ago; through no fault of her own or the seller’s (it was the fault of the  banks), the closing was deemed not to have taken place and has to be completely done over two weeks later.

I know that most of you realize it is difficult enough getting through the closing once, but having to do it all over….unimaginable! The testimony to God’s provision has been evidenced throughout this sale, but most by the way the four women involved handled it as it all went south. We all prayed about it and a solution was arrived at. When everyone has someone else’s best interests at heart it is easy to reach a compromise.

I was also able to have the day off today, after announcing yesterday to my manager that I am going to be going back to real estate full time soon, so I was able to meet with a wonderful couple who need to find a home this weekend. From what we saw today, I am sure God has one with their name on it!

This is why I love what I do. I am just a vessel for God to connect the dots. I know it and I am thrilled continually by that. Today is the first day in two months that I have been really good tired! I will take that any day of the week over the other, no matter how dependable the paycheck!

Today I was speaking with a lady in another state who is moving here as soon as her home sells. She is understandably frustrated, as she prays for a buyer so that she can complete her home search here.

We are both believers, and I told her about my frustrations with my job and my concern that I needed a partner to help me finish the business God has for me. I have felt so sad lately that I couldn’t do what I knew to do, and I didn’t know why.

It occurred to me as we spoke to pray with her, but not our usual prayer. God put on my heart to pray with her for the family that is coming to buy her home. I have always seen and experienced in real estate that God knew in advance all the parties to the transaction. It was His timing to have everyone in the right place at the right time. I think that is why I have always been so passionate and excited about real estate.

So we prayed for the family to be released from the circumstances that are keeping them from coming to her town and her house. I later went to lunch with my broker and we realized at the end of our conversation that my not being able to leave my job yet may have everything to do with her not taking the next step God has for her future and the things He has for her to do.

Wow! When we really can take our eyes off our own circumstances to see what they might look like from God’s perspective, the view can be entirely different! I will let you know the outcome, but the sadness has already left me, as I think the next step has something to do with a bigger plan and all the pieces of the puzzle are not on the table yet!

I am finding it more and more difficult to write lately. I seem to be on the verge of tears from morning til night. I can’t seem to get caught up on whatever is missing to make the tears stop. Nothing has happened recently. Nothing bad.

This morning I was thinking how important the good memories are to block out the ones I don’t want to revisit. Just somewhere to go in my head where there were other people and happy times around me, even if I felt a little like I was outside looking in.

I only seem to feel comfortable when I can cheer someone up, encourage them to see that things will get better. That seems to be what puts energy back into my system. But lately I have found that I am having trouble filling up. I seem to be down a few quarts!

It could be because I seem to have no time for anything but work, and I am so drained from that and my lack of contact with anything or anyone outside of it. I guess this is how so many people have gone through life. They have to find something for their time off that is so different than the daily grind.

I never had that situation before. I loved my work and all that went with it. I know that this time is just for a season, but why does it seem so much more difficult than losing my home, bankruptcy, and all the other things I seemed to bounce back from. I am asking God to help me understand this one, because it truly keeps me floored.

For the first time in a long time I know there is a paycheck at the end of a week worked, but there is no happiness to accompany it. I lived for thirty years not knowing when I would get paid for my work, but trusted that God would provide. This seems like I have somehow abandoned His provision, although everyone seems to think it is wonderful to know that I have a paycheck. It is a dilemma with which I continue to wrestle.

I need Him to send  the encourager to me. Perhaps that is why He wants me to see this. To see how important my “job” was when He sent me out to encourage others. To see myself as He sees me, the way He made me, and why.

I think many of us are noticing that we need others both to keep us grounded and to lift us up lately. Many of us are turning back to church are attending in a more committed and consistent way than we may have been in the past few years.

Among my older single friends, many of us are noticing a real need for community in our lives, that we have become somewhat isolated. Perhaps because of the tighter economy and the lack of easier part time employment, many are realizing how difficult living alone is going to be in the future.

Beyond that, I think we need to surround ourselves with others who can see God’s goodness in a world that increasingly seems turned inside out. Neither Christians, nor churches, are perfect, but at least we don’t seem crazy to each other when we put our trust in something and someone other than the Almighty dollar!

It will be interesting to notice going forward, how this does or does not impact society at large. I believe Christians are really seeing that they can no longer sit back and do nothing. While we were working and minding our own business, there was a movement afoot to take over so many of our liberties. We have to stay awake and read and take responsibility for our actions or lack of them, and we have to vote. Every time. With as much information as we can gather. Critical thinking is really important right now. We need to put our best brain forward!

Well, I do have some news to report. Good news. I have struggled with feeling like I was in a kind of prison over the past weeks as I absorbed all the energy around me at work that was less than positive and forward-moving. I took my son’s advice and wrote out my views on a word document, so that if I decided I couldn’t handle it anymore, I would have my words in a well thought out format. I must admit that was stellar advice! After I got it all on paper, it ceased running through my brain at night, costing me the much needed sleep required to help me deal with the day ahead.

That being said and done, I began to see changes in my work environment, where I was actually able to make positive contributions and stay out of the things that brought me such angst. Once I began to be able to start helping people find homes again, I started to feel better about spending so much time in one place, something I have never been able to do successfully in the past. I have always thrived in jobs where I drove around or moved around a lot (Stewardess, Realtor, Faux Finisher).

I also saw that If I asked God to intervene and truly bless me in those circumstances that I couldn’t seem to change, that He actually did exceedingly beyond what I could have imagined. I have begun to include in my prayer list even more wildly extravagant requests for my life! We will see how that goes in the near future, but I saw this week one incredible example of His abundant answers (hard to explain here without a lot of detail, but trust me, it was huge!)! I will keep you posted on the incoming results. It will be nothing less than exciting….it always is!

I am pondering the situation in which I find myself  and wonder, am I practicing patience and long-suffering? Or am I just postponing the decision to go all out in what I believe God wants me to do. There are seasons in our journey, to be sure, but I am realizing how it will take some discernment to give up the safety of a paycheck to return to my certain faith that God will provide all that I need if I am doing what He wants me to do.

I think perhaps He knew I needed to see the value of that which He has put on my heart, but also to see the value of how He sees me. In a place where my strengths are really under utilized and almost become weaknesses, I am learning that there is a place where I am able to do much more than just live through the day.

I have always been available to be an advocate, an encourager to those who were getting weary. I now see Him sending the same kind of missionaries into my life to encourage me. There is a “job” that needs doing and sometimes when you feel you have no job you are doing perhaps the most important one of all.

I was speaking to a wife and mother today who also spends a great deal of time taking care of her aging parents and I told her, as I had told another friend just last week, that God has to have some missionaries that don’t have daily 9-5  jobs… so that they can be available to show up when everyone else is at work or so tired after work they can’t drag themselves out of the house. Most of us at work can’t even answer our phones  if we were to get a call, so our timetable means that others have to put their needs on hold.

This made me think that  I may be trying to operate on my own timetable and not on God’s. I believe when I am in sync with God’s plan for my life, it doesn’t feel sad when I wake up and go to work nor do I feel sad at the end of the day when I come home. While I often had bills I couldn’t pay on time and didn’t know where my next paycheck was coming from or when, I had joy in my life every day from the places God sent me and the people with whom  He connected me.

I miss that sense of doing daily what He instructed and being led by His spirit. I feel like when I check into work I check out of His plan for that length of time. At the end of the day I feel exhausted and sad. I have never felt that way in the past thirty years, even though I have been stressed by lots of circumstances, I have had such strong faith that God was in control. It is giving me strength to reexamine my circumstances, and come up with the courage to leave the safe for the uncertain, and once again be working with God.

I have, at the very least, more awareness of why it is so difficult for many to leave the certainty of a paycheck, no matter how much they may not like their job. I am grateful, however, that I learned to lean on God for provision a long time before I saw the temptation of leaning on a paycheck.

I have recently, thanks to the economy downturn and the real estate quandary in particular, taken a job in corporate America. I have to say….. I must have been living in a bubble for the last twenty five years!

Running my own businesses, and taking total responsibility for the outcome and the income (or lack of it!) I must say was a lot easier and more satisfying than trying to work ethically in an environment where so many no longer feel any personal responsibility for their day’s paycheck.

Maybe I have just been blessed by the employees I have been proud to work with,  delegate to and promote. Perhaps I am “just lucky”. Or  possibly the values I held myself to  also attracted the type of employee who felt the same.  All I know is I looked forward to every day of work I was privileged to have, and never went home with the sadness or started my day as close to tears as I have recently.

I am determined to do the best I can, even within the confines of having very little input into the solutions to the problems. I know that God provided this income and therefore has a purpose for me there. As with so many things, I may not realize it until long after, when the reasons are revealed. I do know that as always, I trust His map for my life, and will continue to try to stay on track. All I know is, sometimes I feel like my GPS has picked up a wrong signal and sent me way off course….like I am on a dirt road when I should be on a highway! The driving is a bit more precarious and I just have to slow down and proceed with caution, and prayer.