What would we be caught doing? I often wonder, since God sees everything and He knows our hearts, what do we really think we are hiding from Him? And how often does He delight in catching us doing something He didn’t have to prompt us to do?

Today I was sitting at my desk with my phone off because I was at work, awaiting the arrival of my youngest, who was coming to get something out of my car trunk. I knew approximately when he might arrive, but got involved in something I was doing and missed a text saying he was there. Meanwhile, a young mother I had noticed outside was on the phone, holding her baby, and standing outside of her car.

She was having car trouble, as my son obviously noted, and he had pulled his car alongside hers and was proceeding to hook up his jumper cables to her battery when I noticed him.

She drove off shortly after and he proceeded to get the item from my vehicle and go on his way. I thought afterward how effortlessly he had stepped in to help where help was needed. I was very moved by what I saw when it hadn’t been me who encouraged him to do so, frankly I was way more impressed because I didn’t even see the need.

When we catch our children doing the right thing or a nice thing when they don’t know we are looking is the very best time of all! I remember reading a parenting book one time that exhorted: “Catch your child doing something right!” I remember taking that to heart and trying to notice all the things they did correctly rather than the few I was trying to help them improve.

I will bet you God feels the same way about His children, when He sees them doing something He didn’t even have to nudge them to do.

Because it is no longer well enough. I was having a spirited conversation with a spirited friend and that is what came out of my mouth. We can’t leave well enough alone….at the voting booth, at the dinner table, at our job. Things are not well enough for us to do that. We have turned the other way, gone back to our TV show, put our head in a book of fiction so long that while we weren’t watching, things happened that we cannot reverse.

If we continue to let others speak for us, decide what’s best for us, we will lose the right to speak up at all. I read a very interesting email about the women who went to jail to insure our right to vote. Their story may come out in a movie soon. It is truly amazing the lengths to which they were willing to go to provide something  we often find an excuse not to exercise. How often I have heard ‘I had to make dinner’ or’ I had to pick up the kids at gymnastics’, as a reason someone didn’t vote.

It is curious that I  am more likely to hear “it’s to die for!” referring to a dress or pair of shoes than something like our right to vote, or our freedom to worship as we choose.

I truly believe the time is nearing where we will have to choose what we are willing to die for. Where what we believe in our heart of hearts will take precedence over all else. It may not be everyone who is forced to choose this way, but I do believe those who enlisted early on into God’s army will have to make hard choices, where there is no middle of the road.

I hope, if and when that time comes, to know my belief is substantially more important to the future of my childrens’ children than a pair of shoes, and I hope to be remembered as a woman in their lineage who was willing to stand up for something she believed, no matter what the cost.

In a recent phone conversation with a good friend, I realized that many of us are made with an interior radar system that defies the obvious. There is that innate gut feeling that tells you something is wrong, someone isn’t telling you the whole truth, things aren’t adding up.

I am amazed how many people will buy the stories, look the other way, fail to investigate or connect the dots. Just too time consuming, I guess.  The end result of this lack of time spent often results in a destruction of the very principles they believe they are promoting, the character traits they are proselytizing.

Isn’t this exactly what many people are teaching their children and their employees, by example? I question some of the small repetitive things that I am asked to do at my job, because the end result seems to be the opposite of  the ultimate stated goal. I prefer creative, specific, honest attempts to bring in the traffic that will actually fulfill that goal instead of create numbers that don’t necessarily compute. Each situation is very different, one size does not fit all.

We seem to have ceased looking for solutions that are case specific but rather give us vague generalities to solve our problems. I come from a lifetime background of finding specific solutions, and am continually noticing how  most people overlook the specific in favor of the general. Most of the people, most of the time, is their motto, I must assume. I see it as hardly any of the people, hardly any of the time,  feeling they have their best solution at heart.

I believe the time is coming, or has now come, where people will rise up in resistance to the one size fits all kind of marketing and thinking. I think it will be very interesting to see this happen, and watch the confusion of those who thought they had it all figured out!

I had the very good fortune to have a lot of fun and happy moments packed into a 24 hour period two days ago, and I realized after that it is almost more difficult for me to process the happy emotions than the sad. How crazy!

I went from one great moment to another…a trip to Tampa for a closing and a concert after with a wonderful young couple I have been working with who were purchasing their first home. Because the date of closing fell on the night my son was to play in concert in Tampa, I invited them to enjoy it with me in celebration. We happened to have a notary closing (the only type that made it movable, and it was a purchase from a builder so the seller did not have to be present either). So we moved the closing to the hotel where we were staying  and closed between lunch with my son and dinner before his show!

It was only after I got home the next day that the tears of joy began to flow. I thought what am I crying about? I just had an amazing and wonderful time!

Only then did I begin to realize that while I have become very adept at handling the crisis that come in life, I am less adept at having fun and participating in the warmth of people around me and things going smoothly and well. I am used to always being ready for the thing that could jeopardize everything and I have become perhaps too vigilant being the lookout! I don’t see that as sad, but I am now aware that it happens to me. I now will be more prepared when tears of joy seem to come from nowhere.

Perhaps God wired me differently. I seem to find good in even the bad things that happen in life, but am I finding bad in the good? I don’t think so. I think I just recognize that life is indeed full of a lot of emotions, and sometimes they stay inside and sometimes they come out. Isn’t this why we cry at movies when sometimes our partner or spouse or friend doesn’t?

Always hard to explain to someone else, but just know it’s OK….sometimes we can be so happy we cry, or so sad we don’t. It’s all good and it will all balance out in the end!

When I had some emergency surgery recently, I was told to go home and fill my pain medication prescription, keep the Tylenol and Aleve handy, and most of all to “try and stay ahead of the pain.”

I wasn’t quite sure what the doctor meant by that, but I was grateful to see they had prescribed only about ten pills (I only took two the whole time, and cut even those in half) instead of the full bottle they used to charge you for. Mine mostly went down the toilet, so I usually vacillated between filling a prescription and just keeping it handy in case and until I was actually IN pain.

There was much to be said for this theory, however. Once you experience the pain, every nerve in your body seems to record it, so that it can play it back at the mere hint of it returning.  If, however, one stays ahead of the pain, taking the medication just prior to the previous dose wearing totally off, one never actually experiences the pain.

So this got me thinking. What if, when we saw pain approaching, and by this now I am referring to primarily emotional pain and heartache, we actually embraced it and went with it, instead of stoically trying to push it back? Like my young surfer previously, wouldn’t we be able to ride it out better if we tried to skirt out just ahead of it instead of being caught in the crash and foam and being thrown every which way?

I think there is a lesson in all that. If we truly trust God to bring us through every circumstance, no matter how potentially hazardous it may appear, isn’t He going to know how to ride the wave and stay ahead of the pain?

He is, and He will also probably be delighted we trusted Him enough to take that ride together!

I am reading a book ( Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart) right now, and this morning a chapter about how we deal with pain struck me personally. She is a counselor of women, and has a lot of insight into the way our hearts work and particularly how God can mend them when we begin to close them down because of past hurts..

She referred to how we deal with emotional pain as riding a wave through the surf. Having one son who still thrills to the experience, and having often spent hours at the beach watching him take what appeared to me to be a scary ride through a high patch of water rising seemingly out of nowhere, I only now realize that may have provided me a model to deal with things that appeared suddenly threatening in my own life.

He waited, poised and expectant, for whatever might appear, sometimes sitting patiently on his board for what seemed like hours. When the wave appeared, he was ready, and faced the challenge with the security that he would turn this into a thrilling adventure. Indeed, he always came out on the other side with a look of triumph all over his face. Even when the wave got the better of him and toppled his board and threw him off, he looked as though he had learned something about how to tackle the next one.

As I look back on my lifetime of waves from out of nowhere, I am aware that what looks like and feels like overwhelming pain is often just a challenge to take a ride on an unknown vehicle. It appears from nowhere and often disappears into nowhere, but you have an opportunity to be beaten up by it, or to merge with it and see where it takes you. I am grateful for a relationship with my Creator that has helped me chose to ride the wave, rather than turn my back on it and hope I would survive the force of it hitting me square on.  I hope at the end of my life to have the same expression I so often saw on my son’s face at the end of that ride in the surf….Wow! I made it, and that was the most amazing and exhilarating adventure ever!

I am noticing that I have neglected my blog writing for over two weeks now, all due to taking a new full time job and the changes that has made to my daily life. I am again amazed at the people who manage to fit in family and shopping, back-to-school and dinner at home, let alone soccer, gymnastics etc! How I ever raised two boys alone I have yet to figure out, and at this time in my life I would be hard pressed to repeat it, let alone remember!

Anyway, I have confidence that those who are will be given the Grace to accomplish what they need to, as I always have been. Fortunately, His Grace is sufficient, and as I look back, that is all that I see.

Now, with that premise firmly in mind, it is time to tackle the work I have ahead of me. Job aside, I have a book to write and some women, perhaps some men as well, to encourage. I know one thing above and beyond all others. I am here to encourage single parents in their quest to raise their children and provide a safe and comfortable place to call home. Though that seems to have led me in different directions at different times, it is still the heart of my purpose here, and I never cease to feel the stirrings of passion when I see the need to give it voice!

Yesterday I saw a billboard on a local church saying, Single Moms Meeting Sunday 9AM. I was so heartened I screamed out loud “Yes!” How I would have loved to see that sign over the twenty years I was trying to find my way through the maze, within and without the church. Finally, there appears to be some notice of the need.

I also recognize, somewhat less exuberantly, the growing number of single mothers, and how “having a child with a boyfriend” has become such an accepted norm. In renting apartments, I am noticing one out of two families with children have parents who are not married. I am not sure why this is the case, but it does disturb me a bit, since they are obviously together. What has happened to our respect for marriage? Where did the commitment to the importance of that go? I say this having yesterday celebrated the fourth anniversary  of my son and my daughter in law. Their wedding was one of the happiest days of my adult life, with all the hopes and promises a life lived together can hold. As their lives unfold, their commitment to be in it together is a celebration for all their friends and family, and our support for whatever they face is unfailing. It would seem a lot less committed if they were just boyfriend and girlfriend, our support almost tentatively offered, at best.

I am grateful to be able to be whole hearted in my love and support of their commitment to each other and to what lies ahead for them. It will never have to be half-hearted, which takes the stuffing out of it. Sometimes we all need that extra helping of stuffing!

It is amazing, but when good things start happening, they can come just as fast and furious as bad things seemed to! I truly believe that as hard as some times seem to be, it is all preparation for the good times and the amount of gratefulness you feel when they start happening.

A little humility and a thankful heart are good things to keep in your toolbox, even when life seems to be throwing lemons at you. Keep making lemonade as fast as you can, with plenty of sugar to keep the bitterness away! I am seeing the positive swing of life to the other side of the pendulum, and while I am always aware it will inevitibly swing back at some point, I am surely enjoying the view from where I am and trying not to let my own actions or attitude interfere with a new direction toward more balance and success.

It would be easy to start complaining about all the things I need to shove around the edges, with new job, new dog, etc. They are all manageable! Much more manageable than life without them, and I think that’s what we have to remember.

OK, I haven’t made as many entries into my notebooks as I would have liked, (and had time for prior to job and dog), but I did review my prayer journal this morning and looking back at late July and August, I was amazed at how things that were just a vague request for resolution were now actually accomplished and ongoing solutions!

Keep your eye on what’s ahead, after cleaning up any messes you have left behind, and I believe you will see amazing progress in your life, if you want it badly enough. As one of my favorite authors(I will look him up to credit him tonight) has said, when the pain of same is worse than the pain of change, you will do something!  Are you ready to get beyond pain? Relief is just beyond what you can see right now, but start taking those baby steps!

It has become very apparent to me lately that we are to process through our negative  feelings to get to the other side. If we take God with us, willing to face the fear that has kept us from removing the band-aid on a wound that never quite healed, He will not only completely heal it but make the scar something beautiful that will always remind you of His love and mercy and grace.You will only feel joy when you remember it afterward and love to tell the story.

I used to envy my family and friends who seemed to have so many occasions for celebrations. Wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, graduations, it seemed like a never ending year full of reasons to have a party. Living by myself, especially after a string of seeming misfortunes, I wondered how I was to commemorate the markers of my life.

No one puts the date of their divorce on their calendar year after year, nor even tries to remember the date of the marriage it disolved. Sometimes I would go to put a date on a check toward the end of February and there would be a vague thought that there was something important about that date….it took longer and longer to remember as years went by. No one will be calling or sending a card any longer, and the link in your mind will begin to fade over time.

The date you bought your first home was a happy one, the date you lost it, not one you ever want to recall.The day you put your dog down, lost a dear friend to cancer, filed for bankruptcy…..nope, not on anyone’s calendar. How does one process through these  emotions when so few people know how to share them with you? Everyone knows how to party, but few really know how to help someone grieve.

I was told by two women in the last two days, one of the cruelest things someone ever said to them was to “just move on” before they were ready. If we have a friend we feel is stuck in a sad or mad emotion, the kindest thing we can do is to step into it with them and help them remember the pain and grieve through it. If we don’t acknowledge it happened, they may be stuck there for a very long time. The saddest part of that is that real joy cannot enter in as it should, because their pain sneaks in and takes up all the space.

Perhaps we should have a funeral once a year, maybe even at a church or house of worship, where we are invited to bring our hurt and painful feelings to a wake and burial service. Emotions can be elusive and pop out when we least expect them sometimes. Make note of them when you find one, so you can dig a bit deeper and try to uproot it’s hold on you. There needs to be a time and a place to ask God into those dark places and to heal our hearts, and sometimes we are afraid to go there alone.

After that we can celebrate the healing, as I have and do for so many things that have happened in my life. I ask you to look for those things that are the markers of your life, treating them not as gravestones, but as jewels, mined from the quarry of your heart, and now adorning your neck or wrist as anniversary gifts from God himself. Those are the pearls that celebrate His infinite love for His cherished ones.

And, as I have learned from my darling daughter-in-law, if no one is throwing a party for you, throw one for yourself! A healing party, now there’s an idea……

Isaiah 41:10  Fear not: for I am with you….

lineage uncertain but great personality!

Gypsy came home today. A dog abandoned because his owner developed medical problems and was no longer able to care for him. Two years old and starting life anew, as we all seem to be this season!

Funny name for a guy. I have a tendency to fall for dogs who are neutered males with the body shape of a female. Slim with sweet faces and a sensitive nature….metro-sexual, my sister says.But at least in a dog, that suits me fine!

Just the right size for the age I am now. We can go for a walk but he won’t be pulling me down the street, like former lovable labs I have known.Gentle, but funny to watch sometimes. Not too needy for attention, he was totally content just to sleep on his bed next to mine last night. It was wonderful to wake up and just notice he was there.

It reminded me of bringing a baby home from the hospital. There was something about our movements that was already in sync. I remember with my sons, having spent nine months nestled close to my heart, how those first days and nights felt easy. They knew my stops and starts, my constant movements didn’t startle them. In fact, probably because they were familiar with them, they knew I would be returning to their spot long before they needed me.  Cries for attention were rarely heard and they were content and happy babies.

This dog is like that. Happy to know that I am here and that if I leave I’ll soon be back. How cool!  God certainly picked out the right companion for me. But then, He would. Who knows me better?

OK, I know what you’re thinking. I’m barely ready for a dog….a guy is way out of the question right now! This is a great practice test though. If and when the time is right, we’ll see.